Shrub Solutions
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Alias |
Theme:Topic |
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| 2002-Aug-05 | David Townsend | Puzzle Plant: Solutions |
- Break off all the side branches. The remainder of the plant will eventually die and crumble on its own.
- Pull off all the leaves of the shrub - it will eventually die and rot away.
- Declare the garden not to be a garden anymore - it is now a childs play area. Thus the shrub is no longer in a garden.
- Wait until the shrub grows big enough to be called a tree not a shrub. There will no longer be a shrub in the garden.
- Plant a row of similar shrubs along side it. By definition it is now a hedge and there is no longer a shrub in the garden.
- Wait a very long time until the shrub dies and decays naturally.
- Ask someone else to destroy the plant using their own tools.
- Find something that feeds on the shrub and eats it - killing or demolishing the plant.
- Tie a long metal spike to the plant during a thunderstorm!
- Cover the plant up and starve it of light or water so it dies and decays.
- Put another plant next to it that will destroy it such as Golder Hop (this poisons the soil and strangles nearby plants).
- Raise the height of the surrounding soil above the height of the shrub - it could be considered to have been removed since it is no longer visible.
- I'm sure I'm missing something obvious!
- (Taking a step back from the problem) - I would ask my associates how they would remove it.
- Tell a known burglar that you keep all your life savings in a chest buried under the shrub.
- Tell the police you suspect someone is buried there.
- Tie a bone to the trunk and let your dog lose on it.
- Scrape off the bark (with teeth or nails) - this will kill some plants.
- Set fire to the plant.
- Ask
[insert your favourite villain here]
to talk to the plant for a long time - the plant will lose the will to live.
Continued . . .
- Is removing the shrub the correct strategy anyway? What assumptions were made in deciding that a
shrub needed removing in the first place - and is this the correct shrub to remove. Are there any
alternative strategies that do not involve removing this shrub.
- Remove ALL OTHER plants from the garden except for the shrub. Then by definition this can no
longer be called a garden, so the shrub cannot then be in a garden.
- Tell the knights of NI (Monty Pythons Holy Grail) where the shrub is and leave the rest to them.
- Ensure the plant is actually correctly identified as being a shrub - it may actually be a
different type of plant - in which case there is no shrub to remove anyway.
- Glue plastic flowers to the shrub and pretend the shrub has gone and this is a different plant.
- Offer the shrub to a plant loving neighbour - provided he extracts it himself.
- The shrub may not be hardy - so cover it in ice to kill it.
- Spray the shrub repeatedly with water in sunny weather - the drops will burn the leaves as they
focus the suns light. If sunny enough could kill plant. Position mirrors to reflect even more light
onto it for better effect.
- Say nasty things to the plant, call it "useless", "ugly" and "disgusting" - it may wither and
die of shame.
- Continually soak the ground around the plant with water. Water logged roots will kill many
plants.
- Cover the entire plant with a black plastic bin bag until it suffocates.
- Use a magnifying glass to slowly burn through the main trunk.
- Tie some wire tightly around the trunk and stems. As the plant grows it will throttle itself. (This is a problem with trees unless gardeners use plastic / expanding ties to fasten them to support posts.)
- Remove any surrounding objects or other plants from around the shrub - exposing it to the full force of the wind. A gale force wind may destroy it.
- Go into denial - what shrub? - there is no shrub there.
- Tell the kids the shrub is delicate and NOT to play football near it.
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